luna blue

it sat on a hanger for 2 weeks.
see, i was scared to touch it, because i didn't want it to disappear like you did.
i was scared if i touched it, i would look down to find empty hands craving your touch.
i looked down to find, empty hands coated in touches.
touches that you, you said were mine.

I Love You.

but love has a funny way of working its way out of people.
from their heart to their head from there head to their mouth their mouth
to my feelings.

you hand me boxes of touches each one labeled with why you can't have it anymore.
none labeled with why you still need it.
guess you don't need me.

but please stop, stop trying to give the touches back
stop trying to give all of it back.
i gave it to you, its yours so wear it proud or give it to someone else.
but please don't give it back, i can't use something that was only meant for you.

once you give something away its hard to give it back.
once you give away your love you can't just take it back.
I know I've tried.

so for 2 weeks your shirt sat on a hanger.
because if I touched it. you might try to take it back.
and thats exactly what you did.

my world was 360 degrees of you and 24/7 moments of your hands on my hips.
it was laughs and cuddles and just being there.
you were feathers tickling the palms of my hands, just enough to bring the life back.

I stepped in to you,
your movements became mine.
I changed to fit every piece of you.
I changed so you could love me.

some days I think you did.

but some days it was easier for you to twist in and pull and shake until I was on my knees begging to be put back.
you would pick me up put me on your back and tell me to stay there,
and I would.

I was easy access when your lips got cold, when mine did you told me to pull the blanket up.
but some days you would pull the blanket off my lips, kiss me and hold me until the sun faded and the moon lit up your face.
those were the best days of my life.

I miss your heart beat in my ear and hugs from behind.

I miss your kisses, but thats my fault.
I told you not to kiss me and you said, ok.

I said this is hard for me and you said it's for the best.
I say I LOVE YOU, you smile.

I dont regret meeting you,
or kissing you,
or liking you so much sometimes i couldn't breathe.

But there are days I regret loving you.

my stomach bounces between my throat and feet.
the excitement lives in my body.

my hands tremble with anxiety, as the intercom calls my name.
i'm scared,
like the times i walked alone, my hands gripping each other as if it was you.

my legs shake, like the plane as it takes off.
we jump.
it's easy and we are weightless.
it's like times when i was little and my dad would throw me to the sky.
it made me never want to come down.

but when I land its almost disappointing.
i just finished one of the most amazing things ever.
and it felt so good.

i just want to keep reliving that one fall over and over.
it made me never want to come down.

but I have to.

i have to remember how to walk and talk and write.
because for those 3 minutes I forgot..
i forgot what it was like to be normal.
i forgot what it was like to be in the real world walking on land instead of flying.
it's hard to fall in love.

but its even harder to land and walk.

i don't think leaving is as easy as you made it seem.

in one hand i carry a life full of things i've only ever wanted for the people i call mom and dad.
and in the other i clutch my dreams.
and i'm standing over a casket that looks a lot like fear.
and i can't decide if clutching and carrying are the same thing.
the wind blows my hands back, reality and illusion fall threw the wholes in my soul.
my dreams fall left and i fall right.
i guess blood looks better on my hands then sparks do.

my dad looks proud and tightens up his tie, 
he has a smile big enough to push me off the cliff i'm standing on.
and it does.
but falling isn't so bad when hitting the ground is all i've ever wanted.
falling really isn't that bad.

i know because he fell really hard, but i think he's happy now.
and i think that she might of tripped, but she said the ground felt like a pillow.
a pillow that was a little like fear, but tears look best on fear.

tears look best on faces and hands and shoulders.
and the ground looks best on me.

so falling really isn't that bad.

she was pink.
and red.
some sort of orange.
yellow.
brown.
white.
purple.
blue.
red.
yellow.
orange.
white.
pink, pink, pink, pink.

he was black.

she was kind of a rainbow.
he was rain.

and they were never quite sure who came first.

It's tangible, it's not some feeling, it rocks your brain and crushes your bones,