luna blue

it sat on a hanger for 2 weeks.
see, i was scared to touch it, because i didn't want it to disappear like you did.
i was scared if i touched it, i would look down to find empty hands craving your touch.
i looked down to find, empty hands coated in touches.
touches that you, you said were mine.

I Love You.

but love has a funny way of working its way out of people.
from their heart to their head from there head to their mouth their mouth
to my feelings.

you hand me boxes of touches each one labeled with why you can't have it anymore.
none labeled with why you still need it.
guess you don't need me.

but please stop, stop trying to give the touches back
stop trying to give all of it back.
i gave it to you, its yours so wear it proud or give it to someone else.
but please don't give it back, i can't use something that was only meant for you.

once you give something away its hard to give it back.
once you give away your love you can't just take it back.
I know I've tried.

so for 2 weeks your shirt sat on a hanger.
because if I touched it. you might try to take it back.
and thats exactly what you did.

my world was 360 degrees of you and 24/7 moments of your hands on my hips.
it was laughs and cuddles and just being there.
you were feathers tickling the palms of my hands, just enough to bring the life back.

I stepped in to you,
your movements became mine.
I changed to fit every piece of you.
I changed so you could love me.

some days I think you did.

but some days it was easier for you to twist in and pull and shake until I was on my knees begging to be put back.
you would pick me up put me on your back and tell me to stay there,
and I would.

I was easy access when your lips got cold, when mine did you told me to pull the blanket up.
but some days you would pull the blanket off my lips, kiss me and hold me until the sun faded and the moon lit up your face.
those were the best days of my life.

I miss your heart beat in my ear and hugs from behind.

I miss your kisses, but thats my fault.
I told you not to kiss me and you said, ok.

I said this is hard for me and you said it's for the best.
I say I LOVE YOU, you smile.

I dont regret meeting you,
or kissing you,
or liking you so much sometimes i couldn't breathe.

But there are days I regret loving you.

Real talk.

I was born on December 28 1996
And I hate my birthday.
I sometimes feel forgotten because there is another's birthday that we celebrate who is a little more important to me.

Real talk
I'm not as depressed as some of my blogs make me sound.
But I am in love with the boy in all my posts.

Real talk he still doesn't love me back.

Real talk I was born in Califorina and I want to go home so bad.
Utah is great but califorina is just better.
Real talk I hate when people who have lived in utah their whole life, and go to califorina once a year say they love califorina more then utah.
Real talk you don't know califorina like I do.

Real talk my family is more fun then yours (I'm guessing).
Sorry sounds mean but if you knew them you'd know what I'm talking about.

Real talk singing is my life.
I sing constantly.
Real talk sometimes I make my life into a musical, because I feel like high school musical would be way more fun the lone peak.

Real talk, there are days when I hate myself and everyone else.
If you catch me on one of those days don't feel bad.

Real talk I love to laugh.

Real talk I'm not really into this post because I want to be wrestling with my brothers.

Real talk i like kissing, and my nick name fits me.

Real talk if you know me you should already know who this blog belongs to.

Real talk I love you for reading my blog.

Real talk thanks for making this a great first part of senior year Nelson.

Real talk life is good, so keep writing.

Love,

Luna blue

The park is lonely but inviting.

i would rather not be turning 18 in 3 months.

but as hard as i try to stop myself, in 3 months i will be 18.

that's weird.

so i wonder..

what happened to the school nights when we should have been inside doing homework, but instead we were running around the cul-de-sac.  yelling and lee would yell at us to "cut it out" and we would just yell even louder.  what happened to the long freezing nights counting the stars on the tramp. where did the early mornings go when we would run into our parents room pleading with them to get up and come down stairs because some old fat guy had "visited" our house last night. When did "playing" turn into "hanging out".  When did zac and me (my 2nd grade crush) stop chasing each other round the play ground saying that we "liked" each other. when did coloring pages turn into, 4 paged double space times new roman, long boring essays on whether we thought we should have school uniforms or not (which we shouldn't because that would suck). where did the saturdays go when we didn't have to wake up at 6:30 to go take a 4 hour test that determined what we would do for the rest of our lives, and who we would become.  What happened to the days when we were aloud to be what ever we wanted when we grew up ( I wanted to be an astronaut.)  where did the days go when bringing a thermos to school was cool.   lets go back to the days when no one cared who was dressing the latest styles and wearing crocs was the popular thing to do. i wish i could go back to the nights when i would wake up at 2:37 a.m because i forgot to feed my nintendogs, not because your face is burned into the back of my eyelids and i cant sleep because i dream of when you said "its not working out".  i want to go back to the years when nothing mattered but the next sponge bob marathon that was about to come on.  or when the sun was the only thing that could bring us back in at night no matter how many times my mom would call us. lets go back to the days when the best memories we had were from what we did that day and not what we did a few weeks ago. 

i want to go back to the time when turning 18 in 3 months would've been exciting.  

I feel it. I feel it in my legs. I feel it in my hands. I feel it in my blood. I feel it in my heart. It hurts. Man it hurts like hell. For some reason I can't turn it off I can't make it stop. I don't want to care more then anything in this world. Its killing me to love you, but for some reason I can't force myself to burn my feelings. It's hard missing you every second of everyday.

I want you so bad it's ripping my heart and brain apart. Waking up hurts. Living hurts. and I don't forget. I make sure that i don't forget, I keep reminding myself why I fell for you the first place. I am sleeping with the memories and you have deleted them off the back of your eyelids. You act like they are nothing when they're the only thing that keeps the lub dub of my heart going.

The semi there pictures that keep me hopeful that maybe one day you will click undo and they will reappear and you will come back and I will have no other choice then you let you slink back into the hole you created in my heart.

But until then.. I will feel it. I will feel it in my legs, I will feel it in my hands, I will feel it in my blood, I will feel it in my heart, and it will hurt, man it will hurt like hell...