luna blue

my world was 360 degrees of you and 24/7 moments of your hands on my hips.
it was laughs and cuddles and just being there.
you were feathers tickling the palms of my hands, just enough to bring the life back.

I stepped in to you,
your movements became mine.
I changed to fit every piece of you.
I changed so you could love me.

some days I think you did.

but some days it was easier for you to twist in and pull and shake until I was on my knees begging to be put back.
you would pick me up put me on your back and tell me to stay there,
and I would.

I was easy access when your lips got cold, when mine did you told me to pull the blanket up.
but some days you would pull the blanket off my lips, kiss me and hold me until the sun faded and the moon lit up your face.
those were the best days of my life.

I miss your heart beat in my ear and hugs from behind.

I miss your kisses, but thats my fault.
I told you not to kiss me and you said, ok.

I said this is hard for me and you said it's for the best.
I say I LOVE YOU, you smile.

I dont regret meeting you,
or kissing you,
or liking you so much sometimes i couldn't breathe.

But there are days I regret loving you.

Here's to the girls who don't call themselves a clique, wipe that $30 Mac lipstick off your fake smile.

To the hipsters I guarantee no one's going to care that you wore black every day and died your hair purple.
Here's to the girl in my A2 class.
Here's to the lunch room eaters, and the sweatshirt wearers.
Here's to the 4.0 kids and I'm sorry I didn't come kids.
Here's to the jocks and the stance socks.
Here's to the 2 AM bedtimes and the 4 PM cry times.
Here's to the kids alone in the hallways.
Here's to the football, basketball, soccer and baseball players who sit by the knight.
Here's to my seminary teacher... I'm sorry
Here's to the boys who hold their heads high in the hallways, look around you're, not as cool as you think.
Here's to the friday night football games and baby powder.
here's to my A4 class
And Mr. Nelson...thank you
He's too my best friends, and my fake friends.
Here's to the classrooms and the commons
the dances and black lights.
Here's to knighting and trucks.
Here's to my unmade bed.
here's to the dirty looks and the I promise I didn't steal your boyfriend.

Heres to Hunter
And Terick.

Here's to writing and rewriting and seeing.
Here's to the kids in the front row of our class, keep your heads down because I bet if you looked up something would change you.

Here's to the half of you who hate me now, a third of you who despise me, and a few who want me to write stories on the back of your eyelids.

Here's to you, I love you.

And here's, here's to me, because if I didn't say it who else would?

Here's to this, here's to high school.

and she had the sun in her hair and the stars in her eyes.

YOU ARE LOVED!

so stop those thoughts, stop thinking that the world, school, or your family, would be better off without you because i promise you they are not.

you are here for a reason and you have a purpose, your life was not meant to end in high school.
high school is 3 years of the 80 you will get.  it does not matter.
being prom queen, or the star in the play, being the most popular kid in school or having 1,000 followers on instagram, does not matter.

we need to stop getting caught up in the groups were are in.  friends are friends and just because you don't hang out with the jocks, or hipsters, or stand by the knight, this does not mean that you are any better or worse then them.

we are all human and we deserve to be treated as one.

people in your life love you, and if you don't think any one loves you well, then i am telling you i love you, and i think that you are beautiful and have amazing potential.

and the pressure that the athletes talk about, well i promise you everyone feels it.  We go to lone peak, it has world class written across it.  how could you not?

everyone is amazing, everyone has talents, and everyone is different.  yeah, you may not be student body president, maybe you didn't make the cheer team, and you might have a 1.9 gpa. i promise you that it doesn't matter. no one is going to love you less or treat you any different because you failed a math test.

and to every one who thinks that it is funny to make fun of someones weight, hair, race, personality, sexual orientation, activities they are a part of,  or family situations, etc.

stop.  in no way is that remotely funny.

so please think before you do something you will regret.

talk to someone.

talk to me.

because you are more then enough, and you are more then what you think you are.

you are incredible.

and if anyone tells you otherwise, they are wrong.

A kiss is a wonderfully beautiful thing. 

i would rather not be turning 18 in 3 months.

but as hard as i try to stop myself, in 3 months i will be 18.

that's weird.

so i wonder..

what happened to the school nights when we should have been inside doing homework, but instead we were running around the cul-de-sac.  yelling and lee would yell at us to "cut it out" and we would just yell even louder.  what happened to the long freezing nights counting the stars on the tramp. where did the early mornings go when we would run into our parents room pleading with them to get up and come down stairs because some old fat guy had "visited" our house last night. When did "playing" turn into "hanging out".  When did zac and me (my 2nd grade crush) stop chasing each other round the play ground saying that we "liked" each other. when did coloring pages turn into, 4 paged double space times new roman, long boring essays on whether we thought we should have school uniforms or not (which we shouldn't because that would suck). where did the saturdays go when we didn't have to wake up at 6:30 to go take a 4 hour test that determined what we would do for the rest of our lives, and who we would become.  What happened to the days when we were aloud to be what ever we wanted when we grew up ( I wanted to be an astronaut.)  where did the days go when bringing a thermos to school was cool.   lets go back to the days when no one cared who was dressing the latest styles and wearing crocs was the popular thing to do. i wish i could go back to the nights when i would wake up at 2:37 a.m because i forgot to feed my nintendogs, not because your face is burned into the back of my eyelids and i cant sleep because i dream of when you said "its not working out".  i want to go back to the years when nothing mattered but the next sponge bob marathon that was about to come on.  or when the sun was the only thing that could bring us back in at night no matter how many times my mom would call us. lets go back to the days when the best memories we had were from what we did that day and not what we did a few weeks ago. 

i want to go back to the time when turning 18 in 3 months would've been exciting.