luna blue

love has a funny way or working its self out

Saturday, May 14, 2016

it sat on a hanger for 2 weeks. see, i was scared to touch it, because i didn't want it to disappear like you did. i was scared if i t...

Saturday, May 14, 2016

it sat on a hanger for 2 weeks.
see, i was scared to touch it, because i didn't want it to disappear like you did.
i was scared if i touched it, i would look down to find empty hands craving your touch.
i looked down to find, empty hands coated in touches.
touches that you, you said were mine.

I Love You.

but love has a funny way of working its way out of people.
from their heart to their head from there head to their mouth their mouth
to my feelings.

you hand me boxes of touches each one labeled with why you can't have it anymore.
none labeled with why you still need it.
guess you don't need me.

but please stop, stop trying to give the touches back
stop trying to give all of it back.
i gave it to you, its yours so wear it proud or give it to someone else.
but please don't give it back, i can't use something that was only meant for you.

once you give something away its hard to give it back.
once you give away your love you can't just take it back.
I know I've tried.

so for 2 weeks your shirt sat on a hanger.
because if I touched it. you might try to take it back.
and thats exactly what you did.

hope anchors the soul

Monday, March 07, 2016

my world was 360 degrees of you and 24/7 moments of your hands on my hips. it was laughs and cuddles and just being there. you were feathe...

Monday, March 07, 2016

my world was 360 degrees of you and 24/7 moments of your hands on my hips.
it was laughs and cuddles and just being there.
you were feathers tickling the palms of my hands, just enough to bring the life back.

I stepped in to you,
your movements became mine.
I changed to fit every piece of you.
I changed so you could love me.

some days I think you did.

but some days it was easier for you to twist in and pull and shake until I was on my knees begging to be put back.
you would pick me up put me on your back and tell me to stay there,
and I would.

I was easy access when your lips got cold, when mine did you told me to pull the blanket up.
but some days you would pull the blanket off my lips, kiss me and hold me until the sun faded and the moon lit up your face.
those were the best days of my life.

I miss your heart beat in my ear and hugs from behind.

I miss your kisses, but thats my fault.
I told you not to kiss me and you said, ok.

I said this is hard for me and you said it's for the best.
I say I LOVE YOU, you smile.

I dont regret meeting you,
or kissing you,
or liking you so much sometimes i couldn't breathe.

But there are days I regret loving you.

skydiving

Friday, January 15, 2016

my stomach bounces between my throat and feet. the excitement lives in my body. my hands tremble with anxiety, as the intercom calls my n...

Friday, January 15, 2016

my stomach bounces between my throat and feet.
the excitement lives in my body.

my hands tremble with anxiety, as the intercom calls my name.
i'm scared,
like the times i walked alone, my hands gripping each other as if it was you.

my legs shake, like the plane as it takes off.
we jump.
it's easy and we are weightless.
it's like times when i was little and my dad would throw me to the sky.
it made me never want to come down.

but when I land its almost disappointing.
i just finished one of the most amazing things ever.
and it felt so good.

i just want to keep reliving that one fall over and over.
it made me never want to come down.

but I have to.

i have to remember how to walk and talk and write.
because for those 3 minutes I forgot..
i forgot what it was like to be normal.
i forgot what it was like to be in the real world walking on land instead of flying.
it's hard to fall in love.

but its even harder to land and walk.

good byes were not made to be part of growing up

Saturday, December 05, 2015

i don't think leaving is as easy as you made it seem. because that is what i am doing right now, and it hurts. my sister cries l...

Saturday, December 05, 2015

i don't think leaving is as easy as you made it seem.

because that is what i am doing right now, and it hurts.

my sister cries like i did. and my dad just makes that almost disappointed face,

they say growing up is good and natural.

but i am wendy when all i have ever wanted was to be peter.

i'm wendy, growing up to pay bills and taxes, get married and have a family.

life is handed to me like a five course meal.

plates full of choices that i don't remember making.

plates full of you wills and you shoulds.

soon to be plates full of i could of's and i would of's.

i wanna touch the stars.
i want to fight captain hook.

i want tinker bell to have my back forever.

i wanna play with the lost boys.

i want my sisters tears to mean more then just good bye.
i want my dad to make that disappointed face because he is...

but then again, we're all just living in a fairy tail, and those seem to end with a kiss goodnight and goodbye.

college update

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

in one hand i carry a life full of things i've only ever wanted for the people i call mom and dad. and in the other i clutch my dreams....

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

in one hand i carry a life full of things i've only ever wanted for the people i call mom and dad.
and in the other i clutch my dreams.
and i'm standing over a casket that looks a lot like fear.
and i can't decide if clutching and carrying are the same thing.
the wind blows my hands back, reality and illusion fall threw the wholes in my soul.
my dreams fall left and i fall right.
i guess blood looks better on my hands then sparks do.

my dad looks proud and tightens up his tie,
he has a smile big enough to push me off the cliff i'm standing on.
and it does.
but falling isn't so bad when hitting the ground is all i've ever wanted.
falling really isn't that bad.

i know because he fell really hard, but i think he's happy now.
and i think that she might of tripped, but she said the ground felt like a pillow.
a pillow that was a little like fear, but tears look best on fear.

tears look best on faces and hands and shoulders.
and the ground looks best on me.

so falling really isn't that bad.

la vie en rose

Saturday, September 26, 2015

she was pink. and red. some sort of orange. yellow. brown. white. purple. blue. red. yellow. orange. white. pink, pink, pink, pi...

Saturday, September 26, 2015

she was pink.
and red.
some sort of orange.
yellow.
brown.
white.
purple.
blue.
red.
yellow.
orange.
white.
pink, pink, pink, pink.

he was black.

she was kind of a rainbow.
he was rain.

and they were never quite sure who came first.

The last post I will write about you.... because I think I'm ready to be "dead" now.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

It's tangible, it's not some feeling, it rocks your brain and crushes your bones, It's sucks because I can't do any thi...

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

It's tangible, it's not some feeling, it rocks your brain and crushes your bones,

It's sucks because I can't do any thing, your not here, 'death' doesn't give a crap that I sit and wait for you at that park bench, or drive around listening to that song looking over to see if you're singing along, your gone. And 'death' leans back in his massage chair kicks up his feet and laughs... Because he's won.

And maybe you were inspired when you said death

death

Because I know everyone was thinking it but I was to scared to believe it.

But you weren't

Maybe we were born to the end

But I don't think you were born to be with her because your hand fits too well in my heart

And you don't think I was made for this because I flinch when you touch me, but that's only because last time you did I felt your knife graze my back..

And you don't think I'm made for you because when I talk all your ears do is scream but when she does they sing...

A song I'm pretty sure I wrote for you.

And my hearts voice echoes in my ear when it should be yours..

threw tears she screams you will find another him,

you will find another him

you will find another him...

but you can't get another me,

And I feel my heart breaking so I reach for the duck tape because I'd rather be full of tape then heart break

And i'm tired of hearing me say it's fine, no I'll be ok.

And your tried of the commitment.
You're so ready for death.

So that's what we did.

And I force my self to believe its better this way. because it's easier when you walk away. It's easier when I don't hear the voice mail.

We died.

Not true.

But its all I'll ever get out of you.

Here's to you

Friday, April 10, 2015

Here's to the girls who don't call themselves a clique, wipe that $30 Mac lipstick off your fake smile. To the hipsters I guarante...

Friday, April 10, 2015

Here's to the girls who don't call themselves a clique, wipe that $30 Mac lipstick off your fake smile.

To the hipsters I guarantee no one's going to care that you wore black every day and died your hair purple.
Here's to the girl in my A2 class.
Here's to the lunch room eaters, and the sweatshirt wearers.
Here's to the 4.0 kids and I'm sorry I didn't come kids.
Here's to the jocks and the stance socks.
Here's to the 2 AM bedtimes and the 4 PM cry times.
Here's to the kids alone in the hallways.
Here's to the football, basketball, soccer and baseball players who sit by the knight.
Here's to my seminary teacher... I'm sorry
Here's to the boys who hold their heads high in the hallways, look around you're, not as cool as you think.
Here's to the friday night football games and baby powder.
here's to my A4 class
And Mr. Nelson...thank you
He's too my best friends, and my fake friends.
Here's to the classrooms and the commons
the dances and black lights.
Here's to knighting and trucks.
Here's to my unmade bed.
here's to the dirty looks and the I promise I didn't steal your boyfriend.

Heres to Hunter
And Terick.

Here's to writing and rewriting and seeing.
Here's to the kids in the front row of our class, keep your heads down because I bet if you looked up something would change you.

Here's to the half of you who hate me now, a third of you who despise me, and a few who want me to write stories on the back of your eyelids.

Here's to you, I love you.

And here's, here's to me, because if I didn't say it who else would?

Here's to this, here's to high school.

old pieces of your heart

Monday, March 09, 2015

our love was like the stars.. a little to cliché. it was like capital letters at the beginning of a college essay. Very Perdictable. ...

Monday, March 09, 2015

our love was like the stars..

a little to cliché.

it was like capital letters at the beginning of a college essay.

Very Perdictable.

it was made up of cute stares and i wish you were here's.

our love wasn't strong and it wasnt meant to last until the end of time.

but it was the sun.

it didn't reached every heart of the earth.

our love isn't the way you look at her.

and it isn't the way she looks at him with her lips on yours.

our love was held in our hands and when you let go, i was left palm up, with a couple notes and some old pieces of your heart.

that's her

Thursday, February 26, 2015

her name was rachel and she had the sun in her hair and the stars in her eyes. she had dust in her hands, that turned people's ...

Thursday, February 26, 2015

her name was rachel

and she had the sun in her hair and the stars in her eyes.

she had dust in her hands, that turned people's hearts to gold.

and she was the spring full of life and laughter, and I swear with her it was warm even when my hands were blue.

she was incredible,

and her smile made you wish it was sunday afternoon every wednesday night.

and I knew by the sound of the air if she was in my heart or my hands.

and that day I felt her slipping threw my fingers.

and that day the stars in her eyes became the stars in mine, and the spring became her sister, and the gold the gold, was gone. and the sun well that went with her.

rachel,

put herself in a box in the ground.

because she thought spring looked better on her sister and the stars were getting to big for her eyes.

and I know she loved us, but you can't put an empty casket in the ground.

her name was rachel

and she was incredible

and now that tree in the cemetery,

that's her.

2/25/15 thoughts

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

YOU ARE LOVED! so stop those thoughts, stop thinking that the world, school, or your family, would be better off without you because i pro...

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

YOU ARE LOVED!

so stop those thoughts, stop thinking that the world, school, or your family, would be better off without you because i promise you they are not.

you are here for a reason and you have a purpose, your life was not meant to end in high school.
high school is 3 years of the 80 you will get. it does not matter.
being prom queen, or the star in the play, being the most popular kid in school or having 1,000 followers on instagram, does not matter.

we need to stop getting caught up in the groups were are in. friends are friends and just because you don't hang out with the jocks, or hipsters, or stand by the knight, this does not mean that you are any better or worse then them.

we are all human and we deserve to be treated as one.

people in your life love you, and if you don't think any one loves you well, then i am telling you i love you, and i think that you are beautiful and have amazing potential.

and the pressure that the athletes talk about, well i promise you everyone feels it. We go to lone peak, it has world class written across it. how could you not?

everyone is amazing, everyone has talents, and everyone is different. yeah, you may not be student body president, maybe you didn't make the cheer team, and you might have a 1.9 gpa. i promise you that it doesn't matter. no one is going to love you less or treat you any different because you failed a math test.

and to every one who thinks that it is funny to make fun of someones weight, hair, race, personality, sexual orientation, activities they are a part of, or family situations, etc.

stop. in no way is that remotely funny.

so please think before you do something you will regret.

talk to someone.

talk to me.

because you are more then enough, and you are more then what you think you are.

you are incredible.

and if anyone tells you otherwise, they are wrong.

apologizes

Monday, February 23, 2015

i shouldn't have writers block. i'm a 18 year old girl with the emotions to go with it. theirs boys and drama and girls, and how ...

Monday, February 23, 2015

i shouldn't have writers block.

i'm a 18 year old girl with the emotions to go with it.
theirs boys and drama and girls, and how hard high school is and all that superficial crap that the halls are lined with.

and i want to write about the stuff that every one writes about and i want to write about high school, and, love and people, and life.

but i'm 18 and i haven't lived that long so i cant really give life advice, and i thought i knew what love is, but turns out i was wrong, i hate drama, and high school is great but sorry i have nothing to say about it. and people.. wells turns out i don't know people as well as i thought.

i have writers block because all i write about is how she stole his heart and i broke my own.

and i'm trying to be different and its hard.

and i never like anything i write.

i want to love the words that come but they all end up being about her and him.
and i'm not a fan of her or him.

delete, gets hit to much and the publish never does.

so my blog sits with posts from months ago.

and ideas and drafts from days ago.

and words i liked when i loved him.

i told my dad i have writers block and he said that i shouldn't because i'm an 18 year old girl with the emotions to go with it.

then he said with all confidence that someone can have when they write for a living.

find out what the character wants...

then i said

what if she doesn't know what she wants?

k.i.s.s.i.n.g

Friday, February 20, 2015

A kiss is a wonderfully beautiful thing. The electricity that happens is incredible. And a kiss is not just for high schoolers with t...

Friday, February 20, 2015

A kiss is a wonderfully beautiful thing.

The electricity that happens is incredible.

And a kiss is not just for high schoolers with the moon in their eyes and star dust on their lips.

A kiss is for everyone, every person, young, old, male, female, gay, straight, black, white. The list goes on.

A kiss is louder then a war, and softer then the beat of your heart.

A kiss tells you things you would never know.

It makes people vulnerable. It opens them to the world and pulls up their insecurities until they reach the surface of a bone shaking kiss.

I've been around the block a few times.

And one thing I know for sure is that there is only one kiss that has shook me so hard my heart fell out into his hands.

that's a kiss I wish everyone could have because once you have one like this you will never call someone a slut for kissing a boy at a party.

I promise she is searching for one just like she had.

So kiss because you never get you high school years back and you will never get the almost kisses or the I should've kissed him/her.

And kiss because it helps

And it can heal things that you thought could never be healed.

A kiss is worth a thousand words,

So use them more.

real talk

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Real talk. I was born on December 28 1996 And I hate my birthday. I sometimes feel forgotten because there is another's birthday tha...

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Real talk.

I was born on December 28 1996
And I hate my birthday.
I sometimes feel forgotten because there is another's birthday that we celebrate who is a little more important to me.

Real talk
I'm not as depressed as some of my blogs make me sound.
But I am in love with the boy in all my posts.

Real talk he still doesn't love me back.

Real talk I was born in Califorina and I want to go home so bad.
Utah is great but califorina is just better.
Real talk I hate when people who have lived in utah their whole life, and go to califorina once a year say they love califorina more then utah.
Real talk you don't know califorina like I do.

Real talk my family is more fun then yours (I'm guessing).
Sorry sounds mean but if you knew them you'd know what I'm talking about.

Real talk singing is my life.
I sing constantly.
Real talk sometimes I make my life into a musical, because I feel like high school musical would be way more fun the lone peak.

Real talk, there are days when I hate myself and everyone else.
If you catch me on one of those days don't feel bad.

Real talk I love to laugh.

Real talk I'm not really into this post because I want to be wrestling with my brothers.

Real talk i like kissing, and my nick name fits me.

Real talk if you know me you should already know who this blog belongs to.

Real talk I love you for reading my blog.

Real talk thanks for making this a great first part of senior year Nelson.

Real talk life is good, so keep writing.

Love,

Luna blue

aka natalie pliler

empty desks and absent smiles

Monday, December 15, 2014

I remember when our faces collided in the hall way by the knight. I brushed it off like I didn't feel the smoke between our lips, as I w...

Monday, December 15, 2014

I remember when our faces collided in the hall way by the knight. I brushed it off like I didn't feel the smoke between our lips, as I watched you do a heal click out the doors.

I remember the look on her face when she told me their "epic", too long, cheap love was over. Relief flooded my body.

I remember empty desks, and absent smiles.

I'm tired of remembering day dreams that never happened and nightmares that were all to real.

I remember the blue eyed boy that changed my life.
His boots no one understood but me. His hands that only fit in mine.
canyon drives melt into my memory, happy faces and bitter souls jump into each other's arms.
To hipster to have the time of our lives, so we settle for sub par memories and intense kisses.

I remember cold faces with colorful hearts screaming for attention.

Remembering leaving the waves and my best friend. Thinking this was the hardest thing I would ever do.

I remember losing you, and knowing this was the hardest thing I will ever do.
I remember refusing to believe second period would suck for the rest of the year.

I remember rewriting our love in the form of a sign. Nights we would laugh so hard your boots didn't matter any more.

I remember skating around the parking lot waiting to put our memories in film. I remember lip syncing to the beat of your heart.

I remember 9 months trying not to remember, seeing you and knowing your hand suddenly fit into hers.
I remember forgetting to remind you of me.
And they way we used to dance around our hearts.

I remember bombs being dropped into a field of forevers.

I'm constantly remembering the time when I thought the playground was the best thing to happen to me.

Then I remember when you happened to me.

black out

Sunday, December 07, 2014

easy to touch

Sunday, November 23, 2014

My hearts be given away so many times I'm not even sure that it's mine. There are days when I feel uncomfortable with the beat in...

Sunday, November 23, 2014

My hearts be given away so many times I'm not even sure that it's mine.

There are days when I feel uncomfortable with the beat in my chest.

I wish I had a heart like my brothers, locked up so tight it would take a fork lift to get it out.

But my heart is easy to touch.

Many people take there regret stand hands and reach into my chest and take her.

My hearts been passed so many times, and on most occasions dropped.

I wish I didn't have my heart in a bowl with a note that says take what ever you want.

So many times I've ripped her out and forced her into people's possession , when she knew it wasn't right but my broken hands were to prideful to say "no."

She loves deeply

And I wear her on other people sleeves.

I caused it.

She try's to tell me to stop through blood stained letters,

But I know what it's going to say and I would rather not hear that so I throw them away.

I turn my heart on airplane mode because my brain makes decisions I agree with.

20th

Sunday, November 09, 2014

when ever i am with you, you just want to kiss. of course i give in to your charm and kiss you back, I think I screwed my self over. No...

Sunday, November 09, 2014

when ever i am with you, you just want to kiss.

of course i give in to your charm and kiss you back, I think I screwed my self over.

No one else seems to think so, well if they do they don't show it.

I wish i was more to you then just a pair of lips.

we were listing to songs that remind you of someone who messes with your head.

I wish I messed with your head.

but i'm not.

What sucks the most, is i thought that you were different, (maybe you are maybe i should stick around longer) but i can't waste my heart on something that "might" happen. i want to spend every night with you. but most of the time i just sit and stare at my phone only to get a snap chat of you with another girl.

i should probably take the hint.

so i'm done with caring because I have spent the last 5 months trying to get you. and no matter what i do it doesn't seem to work. i realize you could get any girl and i'm probably 20th on your list.
so i think its time these lips packed up and moved on.

but when you've rubbed the pink off those first 19 lips, and you come looking for me,
and you remember 20 gave up, i hope it makes you think...

were those first 19 were worth it.

H

Sunday, November 02, 2014

Hearing that hurt. Reading it all over Twitter hurt. You were loved. So loved. Not just by me but by everyone. ...

Sunday, November 02, 2014

Hearing that hurt.

Reading it all over Twitter hurt.

You were loved. So loved.

Not just by me but by everyone.

I haven't cried.

Mostly because I'm choosing to believe that your not gone.

Even though I know you are.

I know we didn't hang much this year and I will regret that for the rest of my life.

But I can't help remember all the amazing times we had.

The first time I met you I knew you were something special I knew you had so much to give.

your smile could light up a room. your laugh was infectious.

gosh im gonna miss you so much.

i wish i would've called you that night. i wish i could've held you and said i love you and thank you. i wish i could've been there for you more then i was. you were an amazing person and an even better friend.

Now I'm crying.

I'm gonna miss walking passed you outside by the trailers.

I'm gonna miss those unfinished high fives because i was always to slow. (it never got old though.)

I'm gonna miss your hair.

I'm gonna miss your blue shirt with the dog face.
the indian ring that i wanted so bad.

im gonna miss us talking about the time you said we needed to "take" a chair from the school, because you wanted it in your room.
I'm gonna miss how you could make me laugh even when i was having the worst day ever.

I wish that you were here right now to make me laugh, because i am having the worst day ever.

I wish I could've had more time with you.

I wish I could've told you how much you mean to me.

you didn't get enough days, and its so unfair.

i wish i could see you smile one more time.

Even though I never told you I think you knew the way you helped me, i think you knew the influence you had on my life. you make me want to be a better person, you make me want to be
like you.

Thank you for the way you impacted my life.

I'm going to miss you forever.

i love you

rest in peace buddy

thank you

Sunday, October 12, 2014

It's easy, so easy with you. I think I forgot because I've been without you for 7 months. Me and you seem to work almost perf...

Sunday, October 12, 2014

It's easy, so easy with you.

I think I forgot because I've been without you for 7 months.

Me and you seem to work almost perfectly.

We are the same souls spilt and pushed into to different body's.

We were meant to find each other.

We were meant to work.

But you don't seem to think so.

You engulf my thoughts.

I think about you more then I think about breathing.

people always say write what you know, so I guess that's why I keep writing about you.

I try and put him into a mold that was made for you.

And even though he's almost perfect.

For some reason I want all of your flaws.

Because you fit.

You are wonderful.

And just looking at you electrifies me.

I'm trying so hard to get over you

And the way we used to talk

I have a heartache and it doesn't stop.

The pathetic thing about is you don't even notice.

You don't really care because of her.

she loves someone else,

but I seem to be thrown out of site.

I'm writing this post hoping you'll see it, when I know you wont.

no im writing this because I need to say thank you.

Thank you for breaking my heart.

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